Ryan was a funny loving young man who wanted so many things but had the large obstacle of drugs in his way. Ryan was a very accomplished soccer player and loved the sport immeasurably. I am a firefighter and Ryan was very sensitive to when I worked and he would be home with his mom to keep her company. Those evenings when I was at work was their time, time to talk time to hang out and watch TV or go shopping or just be together as a mom and her son. Every couple of weeks, or once a month, it seemed like Ryan would find a new word or a new way to use an old work. Like the word filthy in a good way, "That was filthy!" or his last one was "dank", dank met cool "that is so dank". Ryan's sense of humor was fun, annoying, and just plain funny. But, it gave me pause to not take life so seriously.


Ryan for the most part grew up in Lake Stevens Washington. His first sport was baseball. I coached him every season until his one love took over, soccer. But in the times off the field, you would find Ryan doing everything you could imagine doing on a board; skateboarding, snowboarding, and wakeboarding, skim boarding and surfing. Ryan had the conviction to try anything at the same time, he was hardest on himself when he in his mind failed or fell down. But once he figured it out, he was never happier and his smile light up every one watching.


Like many parents, we did not know the first time Ryan used drugs. We didn't know until after Ryan was gone when we read his journal from rehab about some older kids offering him and a friend to smoke marijuana if they fetched a ball in the woods that bounced out of the basketball court in our cul-de-sac. That was his first time. He was in second grade, how can you offer a second grader drugs? What is the matter with those kids? I have a lot of resentment towards them and wish they had used better judgment. The first time Ryan tried alcohol, we knew because he came home and told us. Ryan was a very trustworthy child. He was always doing the responsible things that encouraged us he was going down the right path.


As Ryan used more, he tried to protect us from his use and the poor decisions he was making that would reflect poorly on all of us. I was angry because Ryan wasn't home. I need my family around me. I needed him around us. Family means everything to us which makes losing him so hard. Ryan could not explain why he used. One thing he said was he had seen and been a part of some bad things and he became very paranoid.


Ryan died on 4/10/08, he was found in an apartment of known prescription drug abusers. A mother and two kids who used drugs so extensively, that they normally would not wake up until the afternoon. That is when they found Ryan at approximately 3pm. The medical examiners official cause of death was an accidental overdose of 4 different medications and possible nitrous oxide from a whippet. Ryan's system simply shut down and he never woke up.


Ryan's Mom sister and I all miss him very much. He was the bright star in our universe we miss everything about him. Everyday his not being here is staring us in the face. We want to hold him and touch him. We want to talk to him and have him talk back.

If you ask each of us separately if we could have anything in the world it would emphatically be Ryan he was everything to us and still is. We have started a foundation to help prevent other families fro having to share this same fait. We know now what we have always known. Ryan was a good kid with good morals, ethics and values he just got into something he could not overcome. Ask your kids questions and don't try to be the popular parent, be the parent.