I'm Trent Lovato's mom. Trent loved to fly fish, ice fish, creek fish, river fish and lake fish. Trent was an avid hunter. He enjoyed spending time with his family, especially with his brothers and grandfather. He was in so many sports: baseball, basketball, football and wrestling, but Trent's ultimate favorite sport was skateboarding with his friends. He ollied, mastered the kick flip, manual, grinded, hill flipped and half pipes and so many more tricks on one of his many skateboards. At 15 Trent had accomplished many things. On Monday April 11, 2005 I got Trent's brothers out of bed and got them ready for school. I watched them as they walked to the bus stop. I waited a while to get Trent up, I figured I would give him a few extra minutes to sleep in because he had just turned in a big exam and we both felt he did very well on it. I'm glad I told Trent's brothers not to wake him up that morning. Trent's brothers would always go and jump on him to wake him up and sometimes even sleep in his room with him. That morning when I went in to wake him, he didn't answer. I waited awhile and knocked again, still no answer. I opened his bedroom door and was not expecting to find what I did. I saw Trent and called his name and he wasn't breathing. As I got closer, I saw the worst thing imaginable. Trent was dead. I turned numb, I kept calling to Trent to wake up but in my mind I knew. By the stench that lingered in his room, I knew. Trent was dead. I ran to Trent and held him in my arms, the whole time screaming. Trent already had rigamortis set in and the smell of death was so strong, so awful, so horrible, so distinctly vial, I can't get the smell out of my mind. I will never forget that smell. It was like rotted meat, but 100 times as strong. That smell was the smell of Trent's organs decomposing inside his body. The odor was on MY SON, on his breath. It will never leave me. I knew nothing I could do would bring him back to me. Trent's body was so cold and so stiff, his legs bent underneath him. All I wanted to do was warm him up and straighten his legs, I couldn't. No matter what I did I couldn't warm him. I dialed 911. The police, the detectives, and the ambulance arrived. They found me in Trent's roomholding his lifeless body. The police literally pulled me away from my son. A short time later, while 3 officers were searching my home for anybody who may be there, the chief of police came to me and told me Trent had died while playing the passout game. I was in shock. So many people were in my home and in Trent's room doing forensic testing. The police wouldn't let me back in his room until they were done with their investigation. Once they were done and the coroner pronounced my son dead, then they let me back in his room to be with him. Trent was lying on his back on the floor with his legs straightened and his blanket covering him. I smelled his hair as much as I could so I could remember his smell. The police removed me from his side. The coroner and priest went in and the police officers kept me in the kitchen so I wouldn't see them put My son's body in the bag. From the kitchen I heard the bag zip and I saw them move the coffee table in my living room to get Trent's lifeless body out of the house. A police officer and my sister went to get Trent's brothers from school. I didn't know how to tell the boys their big brother was dead. There was nothing I could do to prepare myself to tell them. I couldn't find the right words. There are no right words. People started coming and all I wanted was to be left alone. My husband was notified immediately and he drove 2 hours home from work. When he got home we both wanted to be left alone. We locked ourselves in our room and cried for what seemed like hours. We eventually went upstairs and the house was full of people, in every room, everywhere. I wanted them gone. Trent was dead and there was nothing these people could do to bring me MY SON back. The mortuary called, I was to take clothes for Trent, the clothes that he would forever wear. I went to his room to choose his clothes, it was so hard to do. I didn't want to, I thought this wasn't happening to me, but it was. Soon I was so heavily medicated, but nothing helped. THe pain was there, no medicine in the world would make my pain go away. I couldn't eat or sleep. The days were lond and the nights were linger. I couldn't sleep knowing that the night before while I was sleeping my son was in his room dying. The next day I was told to go to the mortuary to make funeral arrangements. There were so many decisions to makeand I couldn't even think right. When I found Trent dead half of me died with him. The decisions I would make that day would be decisions for my sons' funeral forever. Do I do a full body casket or cremate my beautiful son and put his remains in an urn? What would I put in his obituary, when would the viewing take place, would Trent have wanted a viewing? What day would the rosary take place, then the funeral and where would he be laid to rest for all eternity? I wasn't ready for this, no parent is. I am not supposed to bury my children, they are supposed to bury me when I am old and they are adults. NO parent should ever have to bury his or her child. Trent's life goes through my mind all day everyday. From the moment he was born to the moment I found him dead. Trent is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep. The only way I can sleep now is by taking strong sleeping pills. I can't get the image of Trent's dead body out of my mind. I thank GOD that his brothers didn't find him. I have never seen two brothers mourn and grieve for their older brother as much as Trent's brothers do. It is so hard to put my mourning and grieving aside to help his brothers deal with this. The pain I feel is excruciating. There are no words to describe how painful this is. I mourned for Trent so much; in less than 3 months I lost over 30lbs. Trent touched everyone he knew in a way that made all of our lives better for knowing him. I feel robbed from the future that our family could have had. We will never be able to see Trent graduate, get married, or have a family. I will never be able to be a grandmother to Trent's children, the boys will never be uncles to Trent's children. I miss him more and more everyday and the pain I have inside intensifies with every moment that passes. It's over 610 days without Trent. Yes, just as a mother counts the days for her newborn baby to arrive, I count the days since my first born son has departed. It is so hard to believe that what he wa doing in his room that spring night was what he thought was a game. IT'S NOT A GAME. It took Trent's life and left us without him. In my mind Trent will always be 15 years old. I will always wonder: what would he look like now, how would his voice sound, how tall would he be, what would he be doing today? Trent showed no signs of this game, I believe it was the first time or one of the first times he tried this deadly game. Trent had so many plans for the future, he would have never tried this if he had known what it would do to his brain and body, especially take his own life. Trent loved life too much. He loved himself to much. He would have never put his family in a situation where we would have had to find him dead. Think about what you are doing and what you would do to your family and friends if you play the choking game, the space monkey, or the passout game. This is very serious. You could DIE. How would you feel if your mom or someone you love were to find you dead because you wanted to try this game. You always see signs that say "Don't drink and drive" but yet people do, because they don't think anything will happen to them and it does. THey drink, drive and wreck killing someone or killing themselves. It is the same situation here. Don't play the choking gamebecause you can die or you can kill someone. You aren't invincible and neither are drunk drivers. We don't have nine lives, we only have one. Cherish the life you have and live life to the fullest. Think before you do. Don't let peer pressure pull you into this deadly game. It is easy to just say no. This has changed my life forever. I will never be the person I was. It is still a struggle for me to face each new day without Trent. I want him back. I never got to say goodbye and I didn't got the chance to tell him I loved him before he died. please visit www.stopthechokinggame.com for more information.