I just found out someone that used to be a very important part of my life killed herself yesterday. Most people know her as Paige, but her name was Rachel when I hired her at the Opera Plaze Cinema in 1994.

We had some very intense times together, some good, some really bad. For a few years we were pretty inseperable, but then we both got so bad that we drifted apart, basically in an effort to regain our sanity. I eventually did for the most part, and for awhile she did too, even completeing her Masters in Psychology, but unfortunately that didn't last. We still maintained contact off and on over the years, seeing each other every now and then, falling out, and then reconciling, as she's done with many other people that managed to get really close to her.

But then finally a year or so ago I cut off contact with her completely. After 10 years of watching her hurt herself and everyone that got close to her, I just couldn't take it anymore. And now that she's gone I don't know what I feel. It's not a happy thing to have given up on someone that you had loved and had been a big part of your life, but I had to do so. And as cold and callous as it may sound, I knew at some point I would be getting the text message I got last night.

So goodbye Rachel, cause you will always still be Rachel to me. We once loved each other, and almost destroyed ourselves in the process. But I have no regrets, that was simply who we were and the life we lived. I only wish I'd been able to save you like I finally did myself.

Rachel Paige Wahl, May 15th 1974 - October 16th 2006

Circus lights are shutting slowly down
But still you're up in the air
And loving your wings
My dear you play the clown
You're still up in the air
And loving your wings
What's gonna happen when you come down