My son died Dec. 16, 2009. He was hit by a train while walking home ( he was almost home). I live right by the tracks where he was hit and hear the train blow their whistle every single day, many times a day, so I am reminded of December 16th all the time. I can't get away from it.
The train crew (3 people) apparently didn't see him so they didn't stop to help him, (and conveniently their video camera was 'inoperable'). So, he laid out there and bled to death. So close to my house that I could've saved him if I would've known. The guilt is incredible.
Other people... they have moved on and are happy and getting on with their lives ( and I'm glad for them ), but I am stuck in December 2009. I am NOT happy. I can fake it for a while to deal with people in my job, etc. but it gets really hard after a while and I just can't say " I'm Fine" to one more person when they ask me how I'm doing. I know they mean well, but I just want my son back. Nothing else matters in this world.
When my kids were little, there were at least a couple times that one of them would hide in the clothes racks at a department store or get away from me for just a minute and I would get a terrified feeling in the pit of my stomach, a very intense fear... but then there they would be, just playing, and everything would be o.k.... well, I have that terrified feeling in the pit of my stomach every single minute of every single day and it doesn't go away. I miss him so much I want to just scream.
Thanks for listening,
Tyler's Mom