From Alyssa's blog -


I don't know how I can handle becoming good friends with another CFer. It's just too painful. Out of everyone i've lost that I knew personally, we all vowed to never leave each other until we're wrinkly. Now, I know that this is impossible, and impossible for anyone actually... but at least it keeps us at our peace. We are our own support group. No one knows each other like we do. For me, even if I don't even know the person with CF personally, if something critical or death happens to them... I feel as though a part of me has wandered away and will never crawl back into my arms again.

I've been thinking about death a lot more lately. Maybe a little out of depression, but more so because it is reality. If I do not take care of myself, I will die. And it's not just anyone's death, it is mine. It is the elephant wandering around the room, that will eventually put you out. People have told me that when you die of Cystic Fibrosis, it is painless. Eventually carbon dioxide(co2) will slowly creep it's way through the oxygen(o2) and give you a painless, almost numbing high. On top of that, if you chose, they will keep you as comfortable as they can. Then you just fall into a soundless sleep, with the low humming of oxygen machines around you, and the humidifier will almost sound as if there is a beautiful waterfall around you, in the oasis you are dreaming about. You will give one last sigh, and then your eyelashes will brush against your fair skin last time, almost mimicking those of an angel.

So, who doesn't want to die like that, right? I mean yeah, maybe if you are old, you have lived your life and have been happy with all that you've accomplished. But what if you are only 12, 15, 20, or 30? It's scary, to think that you can leave the ones you love so peacefully, then after your passing everyone is broken-hearted, grieving for you to just open your eyes one last time.

I'd rather die from something else at a young age, than die from a battle i've been fighting from birth. I refuse to lose this fight. And I am going to live for all of those who have gotten their wings and try to experience all that I can for them. I pray that one day the good lord above will give humans enough knowledge and power to over-come this disgusting disease. I pray that every little child with CF right now will see many improvements over the years. I pray that even if we never find a cure, it will be treatable throughout life itself, because we are just that strong. I pray that this will touch people, and I pray that I will become a better person through having CF, and fight this until the day I take my very, last, breath.