With the shot of one bullet, a day that was meant to celebrate her youngest child's birthday turned into a day when Megan LaClaire would make plans to bury her high school sweetheart and father of her children.

After returning from a yearlong deployment to Afghanistan, Spc. Jeremy LaClaire began acting "out of character," his wife explained.

At the time, LaClaire, an aircraft structural repairer with 277th Aviation Support Battalion, had just received word that his unit would be deploying to Iraq the next year. He had voiced to his wife that he was upset about not having more dwell time with her and their son Jeremy and daughter Elizabeth.

LaClaire said she also noticed her husband, who never drank much before he deployed, had become a heavy drinker in the months after he redeployed.

The night that LaClaire took his life, the couple had an argument. The disagreement, mixed with him drinking heavily, worried his wife.

"He just wasn't acting right," she said. "He wasn't making any sense."

Her husband was waking up Elizabeth and telling her how sorry he was, LaClaire explained. Eight-year-old Jeremy was at a sleepover.

LaClaire didn't think it was safe for her and Elizabeth to stay in the house, so she packed an overnight bag and took her daughter to stay with her at a friend's house down the street.

"Hindsight being 20/20, all the signs were there, but I was not educated on what to look for. At the time I thought he (was) just coping with life," LaClaire explained. "I really didn't think anything of it. I just thought he had a bad week at work."

After leaving the house, she called the police, asking them to go over to her house to check on her husband. By the time the police responded to the LaClaire residence, her husband had shot himself.

"I didn't even know we owned a gun," she admitted.

The morning LaClaire's husband committed suicide was the same day the Family had planned to celebrate Elizabeth's seventh birthday. LaClaire couldn't bear to turn her children's lives upside down with the news just yet, so she moved the party to a neighbor's house. That afternoon, she split her time between dealing with Casualty Affairs at her house and making sure Elizabeth enjoyed her birthday.

"Everybody talked about (post-traumatic stress disorder) and watching out (for it), because (Soldiers) can have some problems readjusting and reintegrating to home life. We never talked about suicide," LaClaire said. "He was the last person on earth I thought would ever (commit suicide)."

On Dec. 1, 2007, her husband took his life, forever changing the lives of the people who loved him.

LaClaire compares suicide to throwing a pebble in a pond, because the act causes a ripple effect and unexpectedly touches people.

She noted that after word of her husband's death circulated back to their hometown of Newport, Vt., she received a letter from a past landlord, offering condolences to her Family.

LaClaire said suicide awareness isn't just recognizing the warning signs in other people -- it's also about recognizing the signs in you.

"(Suicide awareness is) about caring enough about other people to take care of yourself," she noted. "I would give anything to have my husband to be able to read a book to my kids at night -- that's what they miss."

LaClaire's mother came to stay with her daughter and grandchildren for two months after the incident.

"The day after (my mother) left, we got a snowstorm and I was (outside) in my husband's winter uniform, snow blowing (and) crying my eyes out. I (couldn't) believe this was my life," she said.

She learned to get through those tough times by taking "one minute at a time (and) one breath at a time," and by confiding in her casualty assistance officer.

"As far as other coping (mechanisms), Ben and Jerry's (ice cream) got me through some tough nights," she joked.

LaClaire said her husband's absence finally hit her last year when she received a call from Social Security, concerning his unpaid taxes.

"I told the woman my husband hasn't paid his taxes because he's been deceased for the past three years," she explained.

LaClaire was unable to contain her amusement when the woman responded, "Are you sure?"
Then, the laughter faded as she hung up the phone and burst into tears.
"I cried for an hour," she said.

To this day, little things like hearing someone start a motorcycle bring back memories of her husband.

"It doesn't get easier; it just changes into something else," she explained. "You start to remember all the fond memories, and the bad ones fade away."

Because she was unaware of all the services available to her before her husband's death, LaClaire has made it her mission to educate those who face the same situation she faced nearly four years ago.

"The command at Fort Drum reached out to me. It was such a godsend to me," she said. "I honestly thought nobody cared at that point. It really made me feel like someone actually cared. I got more and more involved from there."

LaClaire didn't start getting involved with Fort Drum until about 18 months after her husband's death.

She now devotes time to working with programs such as Army Emergency Relief, Survivor Outreach Services and Suicide Prevention.

"There are so many wonderful (programs) at Fort Drum if people would just get involved," she said.

LaClaire encourages Soldiers and Families to confide in Military Family Life Consultants, who are available anytime. If someone cannot contact an MFLC representative, he or she can speak to a chaplain. Both parties are completely confidential.

"It's OK to talk about your feelings. It's OK to be upset -- it's OK to cry," LaClaire said. "Everybody has feelings, and not dealing with them is waiting for that shook-up bottle to explode."

LaClaire said she has noticed that suicide awareness literature and MFLC and mental services are more readily available and that getting mental help in the Army has become more accepted.
"The Army has come so far since 2007," she said of the services available to promote suicide awareness.

"The Army has treated us impeccably well. I'm proud to say I'm a surviving spouse, and I'm proud to be a part of the military," she added.

LaClaire encourages anyone who is weary of the stigma attached to getting help by telling them "it's OK to be tough, but there's a time when you have to realize it's not just about you."
Her message to Soldiers and Families is to educate themselves on what they will go through before, during and after a deployment.

If there's ever a question about someone's safety, don't hesitate to get help, LaClaire said.
"They may hate you in the forefront, but later on, when you're sharing their birthday with them, they're going to be thanking you," she added.

"Even if I reach one person, that's all that matters. It's one more father, brother, sister (or) husband. It's one more person who doesn't have to be laid to rest."